I am not a huge fan of pictures of myself, (you will notice that my icons are not of me) but I decided I would post this anyway.  Paul did something I was unaware of while he was deployed; he captured pictures of me while we were Skyping. There's one from our luau, there’s a couple where I showed him my costume for Bob’s Party, and then some random daily chatting ones. I only found out he was taking them after he got back and I saw them all. I thought it was kind of interesting so I decided I would share. (They are definitely NOT all flattering, and usually taken really late at night,  but he kept them for a reason I guess!)

So here you go, home through Paul's eyes for 5 months.

(you can click on the picture to enlarge it)

halowenslut

I am awful right now about posting, Paul has mostly been home and I don’t really want to spend time on the internet if we can hang out instead, and I have been doing a lot of school work so when I am online I am doing that.    

 My mom and little sister just left, and it was a lovely visit. We took them to DC, VA beach, Jamestown, and we tiled the kid's bathroom floor and Venetian plastered the dining room. Paul has been home for 3 weeks now and I think we needed the two weeks of my mother being here to sort of gear up into our real lives again. I didn't realize how burnt out I was until she was here helping and I could almost not bring myself to move someday because I didn't have it in me. (And Paul says he needed the time to roll back into his role in the house.) They left yesterday by bus for NYC and are going to my step sister's graduation from the CIA. (The cooking one not the government) 

Paul has been Mad Max style putting together new armor for Sat, he couldn't get his arms into his old ones from all the muscles he grew in the desert, I am making him a new rock to cover it all so he hopefully looks okay though. I find it quite a pain to make rocks out of linen because they certainly don't hang or stretch the right way, but in this area it's too hot in summer, and the necessary fighter garb ease of washing just isn't there for wool so linen it is.

Well, it’s probably time for another once in a blue moon post.

I spent last week down in NC with Val and Arielle, well mostly Arielle as Val was gone all but one day of the week. We had a lovely time, and I was proud to the point of tears of my children. They sat for the week of their spring break in a 3 bedroom grownup’s apartment and didn’t complain, bicker, make noise, or run around at all. Courtney was never woken by the sounds of noisy children and my life was made more simple by them, I am fit to burst.

I am once again being a bad, boring, and infrequent poster. I have been pretty busy lately and what time I do spend on the computer seems to be with Paul, or reading what others are up to.

Anyway, that’s me. 


 

We are on day three of the kids being off school, with a 2 hour delay tomorrow – I really like having the kids home and everything but seriously the snow was never that bad, at this point it’s a joke. (And this is another good reason we decided I would be a stay at home mom even after both kids were school aged, I can’t imagine trying to figure out on the fly what to do with work and snow day kids.)

Gratuitous family shot (- Paul) and a view of our cul-de-sac..........well it would be if you could see the street!

Emmie was in trouble yesterday for being naughty, when I asked her why she was acting like that she said,

“I don’t know, it’s just………it’s just…….. I’ve never had daddy be gone for so long…….” 

The look on her face said she wasn’t sure if that was exactly what she meant to say, but in that moment it was what sort of came tumbling out.

Paul was able to finally be in a US Air Force facility as opposed to a NATO one, (which apparently means much better equipment and facilities) so he was able to call and talk to her after school yesterday. She talked to him longer then I have ever seen that child on the phone, (as she is kind of a drive-by phone girl) all you can usually get out of her is a “Hi, I love you, bye!” before anyone on the other end can even say anything. Before she got off, she very seriously asked Paul,

“Daddy, if you could come home early…….you would right?”

I can’t quite explain the tone she used; it was as if she was almost afraid to ask, her little heart was being placed out where she thought she wouldn’t get hurt, but what if? She wasn’t sure, and the tentative tone was heart wrenching.

I’ve been feeling rather selfish, in my own loneliness I think I have been wallowing without an eye to the sorrow that Miss Emmie is having. Isaac is ever practical and bears everything without much fanfare, but Emmie has always felt things so deeply she rarely expresses exactly what she is thinking. I have definitely seen an increase in naughtiness from her - I don’t think she quite understands the link herself, but I am going to try to do a better job of listening to what her heart is trying to say even if I don’t understand her actions all the time.

Well, Emmie woke me this morning at around 3:00 am complaining of ear pain. We had a rocky few hours as she wasn’t a very happy camper.

Oh and as a side note, yesterday evening Isaac came to me sobbing his little heart out because he was reading “the Man in the Iron Mask” and Porthos “the gentle giant” was killed in an accident. He was touched so deeply by the sorrow of the loss that I was struck by a couple of things.

Firstly, I was his same age when I read “Anne of Green Gables” for the first time, and I sobbed like my heart was breaking when Matthew died. He reminded me of myself so much last night - that doesn’t happen often as Isaac is sooooooo Paul’s child.

And second, I wonder if it’s these little moments as children that prepare us for the successes, failures, happiness, and heartaches we inevitably have as adults? If these are the ages that we get to try on certain emotions without the debilitating pain that genuine life situations cause? I am glad Isaac loves to read, (and read the classics) I think he will be a better person for it.

My Valentine’s Day package came today from Paul, and of course I opened it early. Emmie came running into the room as I squealed – A black pearl necklace and bracelet!!!! I’ve only ever seen fresh water ones in person, and they are a little grey, these are black, black, black. I guess if you can’t have your husband home, jewelry is a decent consolation prize. (Although I would rather have Paul home.) Emmie spent a minute insisting they must be for her because I *already* got pearls. She was not best pleased that I wouldn’t give them to her, and went and ranted to Isaac about it. There was also a cricket bat for Isaac and a Middle Eastern Barbie for Miss Emmie in the box; I have a picture of the Barbie because it made me laugh. (She’s still a blonde)    

So I am driving in the car with my kids on Sunday, (heading back home after going to Mike and Cosette’s place for a rapier practice that we were ever so kindly invited to) when Isaac chimes in with,

(Yes everyone, this is a child who is 8 years old. It was all I could do not to die all through the whole conversation.)

 

So far today I have smashed my hand so hard with a hammer that I burst a blood vessel and have a nice pool of blood under the skin, learned that I am truly not strong/special enough to use a floor nailer extremely well. (I can do it; it just is very hard for me.) I stepped on a pry-bar barefooted (Paul chewed me out for installing flooring barefooted in general, but shoes always make my feet go numb when I crouch.) and dropped a weighted mallet on my toe………  

But on the bright side my birthday present from Paul came early today and I did all this flooring work while wearing a beautiful strand of large, natural, saltwater pearls from Qatar. Pearls are my favorite, and I love these!!! I took a picture on my computer camera in the dark, after no makeup, and flooring for 7 hours today, so I shall make no comment on the person in the pearls, but I had to share how great my sweetie is.  
 

I spent yesterday at Bob and attack_laurel's farm, it was a wonderful day once I got past the morning bit where I searched for a bra for ½ an hour, and the keys for 1 hour. We did some drywalling, some walking, and lots of chatting. I really loved having the company and the hospitality was wonderful. (Paul even surprised me with a call to their house!)

Today I struggled to get out of bed, so I didn’t fight it and went back to bed after I got the kids out the door. I slept a little late, got dressed, and noticed that my pants felt a little too loose, so when I ran out to do my errands I got a wild hair and tried on the next smaller size then I usually wear. They fit. No bulging or stretching……… for the first time in 3 years. I am not super excited and pumped to keep going, I feel a little to blah for that right now (today was the 2 week anniversary since Paul left) but I am down 10 pounds since Dec and quietly optimistic that I will achieve my goals while he is away.

Paul called me tonight on skype, (I am not sure how I got so lucky to have this much contact in two days!) He looks really good, he is very tired having worked more in the last two weeks then he usually works in a month at home, but he is jazzed to be working and seeing his work used immediately as opposed to sometime in the future. He bought a bike so he can ride around base and save time, apparently the things are like gold, and you have to know someone who is leaving so they can sell it to you as they are not that common.

My step-dad is looking like he will be laid-off from his job with 28 years in, my mom is about to have her 50^th birthday and I was going to fly her out to see me for my birthday since it’s four days after hers, but they are pretty worried about making it all work at home so I don’t think now is a good time.

Oh and a quick question, does anyone know of a good babysitter in Richmond? I like mid to older teens better then adults (not sure why it makes me feel safer) and my kids are really good. The gig would be fairly regular as I need someone at least twice a month on various evenings for the foreseeable future.

I feel like a bratty bad friend lately, I haven’t responded to anyone’s comments to my posts and I am admittedly wallowing a little, I just don’t feel like doing anything. We are coming up on two weeks since Paul left tomorrow; it seems simultaneously like it’s been forever, and that it can’t have already been that long.

I painted the top half of the half bath last night, (a “lovely” goose turd green,) and installed a new light fixture. Today I wallpapered the lower part in a velvety damask wallpaper that Paul picked out in a matching green. I don’t know that I love it, but it is done and the first room in the house with a completely done stamp on it until Paul gets back and we redo the flooring. The green paint came out a little streaky even though I mixed the paint and applied even coats, I suspect it was the paint pad I was trying out – but I am not going to do anything about it for a while. The room doesn’t photograph well because it is so small, and things reflect weirdly, making the room look really busy, where in real life it's far more subtle.....but I will put a couple of pictures up anyway. (warning I have really.......special......taste, I know it's not for everyone) 

I am going to attack_laurel‘s farm tomorrow, but after that I promise to reply to everyone for being so kind to me, I feel very loved by my friends, even when I wallow.